


That Ocean's Endless Deep

by romeoandjulietyouwish



Series: Lis Writes Vox Machina [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27329479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish
Summary: Allura has a break down about recent eventsPost episode 84: Loose Ends
Relationships: Kima/Allura Vysoren
Series: Lis Writes Vox Machina [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026871
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	That Ocean's Endless Deep

**Author's Note:**

> Attention: please keep spoilers out of the comments, I'm only on episode 88

Allura walks briskly through the halls of Whitestone, hoping more than anything that no one else stops her in need of something. To her relief she makes it to the room she’s been sharing with Kima. She hasn’t seen the halfling since they heard the news of Scanlan’s resurrection. She’s been pulled into countless meetings and conferences. And now with a moment to herself, she can’t imagine a better way to spend it than with Kima. 

When she opens the door, she sees Kima is sitting on the edge of their bed, taking off her heavy armor. Her heart stops for a moment thinking about how that armor nearly killed her today. That heavy plate armor would have dragged her underwater if Vex hadn’t-

Allura shakes her head abruptly and walks into the room. “Kima?” Allura’s voice is soft, not wanting to startle her partner. Kima looks up at her. “Do you want some help?” 

Kima smiles, “Sure.” 

Allura sits down beside Kima on the bed and with practiced easily begins unbuckling the armor. They’re silent for a few moments, Allura focusing intently on her task and the familiar motion. But as she handles the armor, she keeps thinking about Kima and how they both could have easily died today. Allura has had to face the thought of Kima dying many times, but this one hurts because she knows it would have been her fault. 

“I’m sorry,” Allura says quietly when she’s unable to bear the guilt any longer. “I’m sorry I put both of us in danger.” 

“Allie, what-”

“The teleportation circle,” Allura reminds her. “I should have checked it before I went through, perhaps I could have seen that it wasn’t right.” 

“Don’t blame yourself.” Kima frowns. “The island did something to it, it made it look all fucked up-”

“You knew it wasn’t right?” Allura’s hands still on Kima’s arm, looking at the halfling incredulously. Kima looks up at her and nods. “Why did you follow me?” Allura demands.

Kima shrugs, “I wasn’t going to let you go wherever the hell it took you by yourself. We’re a team, remember?” 

Allura resumes her work on Kima’s armor, simply for something to do with her hands. “You almost died, Kima,” Allura’s voice is quiet again as if speaking the words too loudly would make them true. “You should have stayed behind with the group.” 

“There was no chance in hell that that was ever going to happen.” Kima looks straight ahead stubbornly.

“Kima…”

“Allura.” Kima looks at her with intensity. 

Allura falls silent and says nothing more, she swallows her tears and looks back at Kima’s armor, finishing her work. Once Kima’s armor is off, Allura abruptly stands, pressing her hands down her dress. 

“I... I need to go message Vex.” She tries to straighten up and force her facade of contentment, but she knows Kima can see through it a mile away. She doesn’t give Kima the chance to stop her as she turns away and quickly leaves their room. 

Once the door is shut behind her, Allura can feel her chest tightening. Her mind grows louder and louder, unsure of how to feel about what Kima just told her. Anger, of course, at herself and at Kima for being so reckless. Guilt because she should have realized that something was off. Exhaustion and fear and so many more emotions she can’t place. But one thought forces its way through: Kima followed her, knowing something was wrong. Kima almost died because she didn’t want Allura to have to face it alone. There are so many ways that this could have ended and very few had them being rescued by their friends. 

She gasps for breath, suddenly realizing that she can’t breathe. Raising one hand to her chest, Allura can feel her rapid heartbeat under her fingers. 

“Allie?” She looks down at Kima who seems to have appeared at her side. Kima has a crease between her eyebrows as she reaches for Allura’s hand. “Come back inside.” 

“Kima, I-I have to…” Allura struggles to say what she means, her chest feeling impossibly tight.

“It can wait,” Kima assures her. She gently pulls Allura inside and sits her down on the bed, crawling up beside her. “Allie, can you look at me?” Allura does as she asks, finding it hard to see Kima through the tears growing in her eyes. “I’m alright, we’re both okay. You remember how to do this?” Allura nods. It’s been a while since she’s had one of these episodes, even longer since Kima was here to help her. 

Kima takes Allura’s hand and gently squeezes it in time with her breathing. Taking long, exaggerated breaths, Kima keeps her eyes on Allura’s face, though Allura can’t bring herself to meet her eyes. Eventually, Allura gets her breathing under control. She turns away from Kima as she wipes her eyes and composes herself. Kima waits with more patience than she has in her whole body. 

“I’m sorry.” Allura pulls her braid back behind her shoulders. “I...I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Kima smiles softly. Allura is the only one who can make her soft. “Nothing is wrong with you. You’ve been through a lot these last few weeks. It’s been insanely stressful.”

Allura pulls away from her, moving to stand, “I-I need to go message, Vex.”

“Hold on,” Kima pulls her back. She takes Allura’s face in her hands, studying her for a moment before making a sympathetic noise and pulling her into a hug. Allura relaxes immediately, her head on Kima’s shoulder. Kima has a funny way of cutting straight through all of her defenses.

“I’m sorry,” Allura whispers. 

She can feel Kima frown, “You know you’re apologizing a lot for things that aren’t your fault. You’re doing the best you can, Allura. You’re being pulled in so many different directions, no one can blame you for making a few mistakes.” Kima’s hands are gentle as she unties Allura’s hair and combs her fingers through it. Slowly, Kima leans back so she’s propped up against their headboard, Allura laying beside her with her head pillowed on Kima’s stomach. 

Allura exhales deeply, she knows that Kima won’t judge her, has never judged her. It feels like since the dragons attacked Emon she’s been holding on by the slimmest thread. Today must have been the last little bit it needed before snapping. 

“Will you stay with me?” Allura asks her voice so quiet she’s certain Kima won’t be able to hear her. But she does. 

“Of course.” Kima rubs her arm with a small smile. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

“No,” Allura sits up to look at her. “I mean will you stay with me when all of this is over? When I go back to Emon?” 

“Oh.” Kima smiles. “I thought that was a given.” 

“You don’t have to go to Vasselheim?” 

Kima shrugs, “Eh, probably. But I’d rather be with you. Besides, I think that Emon will need me more than Vasselheim.” 

“Kima…” It’s not the first time Allura has been taken back by how much Kima seems to care about her. It makes Allura’s heart flutter and her chest fills with warmth.

“I love you, Allie,” Kima squeezes her hand. “God,” she rolls her eyes, “you’re making me all sappy.” Allura laughs and kisses her cheek. “Of course I’m going to stay with you, Allie. I can’t promise that it will be for a very long time, but-”

Allura cuts Kima off by leaning in and kissing her, “We don’t have to worry about that right now.” 

“You’re right,” Kima agrees. 

Allura drags her hands over her hair, “I really need to go message Vex and probably meet with Cassandra.” 

“It’s getting late,” Kima frowns. “I’m sure they would understand if you’re not feeling up to it.” 

“I’m afraid it can’t wait until morning.” Allura presses a kiss to the top of Kima’s head. “Don’t wait up, I might be late.”

When Allura crawls back into bed an hour or two later, Kima turns around, immediately opening her arms for her. Allura can’t help the fond smile that spread across her face quickly nestles into her arms, pressing a kiss to Kima’s shoulder as she does. She closes her eyes and lets herself forget about the days harrowing events and instead just relaxes into the arms of the woman she loves. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Tumblr- @romeoandjulietyouwish


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